Couples Counseling

“We know that love makes us vulnerable, but also that we are never as safe and strong as when we are sure we are loved.”

-Dr. Sue Johnson

Unresolved conflict with couples is the single-most common reason for seeking therapy.

It challenges family functioning and is strongly associated with depression, anxiety, and even alcoholism. You may think your relationship problems are the result of busy schedules, lack of quality time together, or an inability to communicate effectively and resolve disagreements easily. While those issues can create challenges in your relationship, they are really just symptoms of a much deeper problem: disconnection.

Couples are not disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected.

Disconnection with the one you love leaves you feeling frustrated, helpless, hopeless and alone. The solution to this painful problem is in knowing how to reconnect. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) centers on the emotional connection in the relationship, including emotional safety and the security between you and your partner. Emotionally Focused Therapy is the only therapy model for couples that research has shown to have long lasting effects on couples who receive this type of counseling. As a Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist I will work with you to explore the key interactions between you and your partner, not pointing fingers to determine who is “at fault.”

Rather, we work to reduce the dysfunctional patterns within the relationship as a whole to bring safety, bonding, and security to establish strong connection.

Often, one partner may be afraid of being blamed if he or she comes to therapy. This would not be the case. Instead, couples are viewed as being stuck in negative patterns of communication and disconnection. These negative patterns are driven by both partners’ emotional needs. When these needs are not met, negative interactions escalate in an attempt to satisfy attachment needs. Over time, these negative exchanges can lead to an endless cycle of conflict, resulting in continual disconnection.

Research shows that 90% of couples who participate in EFT significantly improve their relationships.

In addition, 70-75% of those couples experienced complete relationship recovery. EFT has proven to be successful in helping couples heal their relationships regardless of their ages, the length of time in the marriage, or the difficulty of their specific issues. As well as decreasing relationship distress, EFT has also been effective in helping couples and families suffering from issues like depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and chronic illness.

Feel free to take this short quiz to see how connected you are with your spouse. Try to be completely honest.

I can get my spouse’s attention easily. True False
My spouse shows me that I come first. True False
If I feel lonely or shut out in this relationship, I can tell my spouse. True False
If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me. True False
My spouse will comfort me when I am anxious or unsure. True False
After a fight or disagreement, we try to find a way to come together. True False
I feel I can completely trust my spouse. True False
I can confide in my spouse about almost anything. True False
I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each other. True False
I feel that I am able to share when I have been hurt by my spouse. True False
If I tell my spouse that my feelings are hurt, he/she will listen and try to comfort me. True False
My spouse and I are able to tell each other about our fears and failures. True False

** If you marked “true” for ten or more of the questions, then you and your partner probably have a good connection.

** If you marked “true” for seven or less of the questions, then you and your partner could benefit from Couples Counseling.

** If you marked “true” for less than ten of the questions, then you and your partner should not wait any longer for Couples Counseling to begin to repair your relationship and strengthen your emotional bond.